Dear Carole and Colin
Greetings from Phuket!! I thought you’d like to know of progress so far and also just how useful the SAS Survival Guide (SSG) has proved in the last eight days.
It may not have reached the main international news media, but there was a crisis here in Thailand that arose during my journey here. A highly revered goldfish that languished in splendour in a centuries-old pond in a remote monastery died in its sleep on the night of 8th January. Now this may not seem too profound an event to Western eyes, but owing to some quirk of an obscure and ancient religious text, this particular goldfish had close to godlike qualities, particularly in the area of transport. It was, effectively, the head of the Transport and General Workers Union of Thailand and was consulted on all matters of policy, via, of course, its human interpreter, a senior and also very ancient monk. Its death was, therefore, a matter of huge significance with the result that all purveyors of any form of transportation went into a week’s total mourning, all transport services being suspended during the mourning period.
You can imagine the ensuing chaos at the airport when hundreds of weary travellers arrived on the morning of 9th January to find not even a bicycle available to carry them and their luggage to their hotels etc. Tempers were short and the police were having a hard time keeping control.
Once I realised the gravity of the situation, I considered my options: catch the next flight back to Gupole; sleep for a week at the airport; become a monk (a number of enterprising monks were offering buffalo and cart rides to their monasteries, at considerably inflated prices; or walk. Given that the latter option was being taken by a number of people, I checked out the map and realised that cross-country made far more sense distance-wise rather than join the band of itinerants staggering along the main roads. That’s when I remembered the SSG!
Armed with that invaluable tome and my trusty map of Phuket Island, I set towards the hills, my regrettably heavy 20kg hold luggage, camera bag and laptop niftily tied together using a combination of a Wakos Transport Knot, a Sheepshank to shorten the excess rope I had purloined from a cattle shed I’d passed and for good measure a Timber Hitch.
The first hurdle I came across was a substantial stream, more of a river really and running rather more fully than one would have expected at this time of year. No problems. Having taken note of the flow of the stream which indicated of course hidden boulders, and determined my target point on the opposite bank, I hunted around for suitable material to construct a raft to carry the luggage - the stream was about shoulder height which I’d estimated by bribing a local cattle herder to walk across for me. Unfortunately for him, he was considerably shorter than I am and couldn’t swim, but judging from the point midstream where his head disappeared and he was swept away, I reckoned shoulder height for me.
Bamboo being in abundance, I was able, with the aid of a bottle opener with a blade for removing the foil on a wine bottle, to construct fairly quickly a Gripper Bar Raft. I took due note of the warning in SSG about the dangers of ice cold water, but given that it was around 25 degrees, I reckoned I was safe for a short exposure. Waded across successfully, took up the slack of the rope attached to the raft and hauled it across. Being rather buoyant, the raft took off downstream fairly rapidly and on hauling it back, there seemed to be some resistance. Looking carefully, I realised that the cattle herder had emerged from behind a rock he’d been desperately clinging to and was hanging on to the raft. With his flailing about and the movement of the water, there was a distinct possibility that he would overturn the raft, soaking the laptop, camera etc, so as he seemed to pause for breath, I gave the rope a good yank and he lost his grip, disappearing downstream once again. He seemed to be yelling something but my Thai isn’t good enough to make out what he was saying. I think I might write to the SSG publishers and suggest they include a few pertinent phrases in all languages. He might after all have been trying to give me valuable information about the whereabouts of his beautiful unmarried daughter. An opportunity potentially missed.
All this activity meant that much of the day had passed and I would have to think about spending the night in the wilderness. I was also getting hungry. I’d been looking carefully for tracks and saw some that I thought might be an Arctic Fox - the drawings are a bit ambiguous in SSG - but I reckoned that was probably unlikely unless there had been one on the same flight as mine. I knew that various species of monkey existed in Phuket and since I hadn’t had monkey since I was trapped for six weeks in the Tundra north of Anghiari, I rather fancied the idea. Fortunately as I was musing over this, I emerged from the woods and came across a main road with a rather fine restaurant. They didn’t serve monkey but whatever they did serve was very welcome. They did however ask me to sit well away from the other customers so I suppose my day’s exertions must have been odorously apparent.
Having satisfied the inner man, I set off before dark into the woods on the other side of the road to find a place to camp for the night. Having found a heavy duty plastic bag behind the restaurant, I looked for more bamboo to construct an A-frame and tube bed in a suitably sheltered clearing. I must admit that before settling down for the night, I read the section in SSG on constructing a deep trench latrine but figured that it was beyond the capabilities of my bottle opener and so I took the soft option. May not get my full badge for that omission but there are limits. Fortunately the tropics are warm enough not to have to worry about covers for the night, although I did find the swarms of mosquitoes and flights of bats a bit troublesome - good recipe for the latter on p110 but catching them might have proved troublesome. Went to sleep trying to decide on the relative merits of baited spring leg snares, trapeze spring snares and the toggle trip-release deadfall.
Woke to find a rather large cobra curled up on my laptop bag. I’d forgotten to turn it off and so it was emitting some warmth that apparently the cobra appreciated - bit like cats sleeping on computer keyboards. Found that a well-aimed shoe woke it and then a stone from a sling shot I’d constructed in an idle moment the evening before upset it sufficiently to make it slink away.
I don’t want to bore you with all the rest of the details of the next three days of trekking through the hinterland of Phuket. Suffice it say that my skills in constructing improvised compasses, stalking waterfowl, identifying edible tropical plants and constructing a solar still for water have all improved immensely.
I think I must have looked a bit the worse for wear when I finally arrived at the Phuket Garden Home since the first thing they did was call the police. However, we soon sorted out the misunderstanding.
After a good night’s sleep in the luxury of air conditioning, I realised that it was only two days until Gail arrived and with still no transportation, I was going to have to head back to the airport the hard way. Fortunately, the return trip was easier since I didn’t have the heavy packs to carry and I’d left a number of useful aids en route in the form of camps, traps and rafts. So the trip took just under two days and in fact I emerged from the woods near the airport about half an hour before Gail’s plane landed. I was surprised to find that all transportation had returned to normal - there were taxis everywhere. On making enquiries I found that a new, holy goldfish had been discovered two days earlier and the situation had been resolved. In fact I could have stayed in my room and caught a cab to the airport.
Gail seemed a little surprised at my appearance - even two days cross country in this climate takes it toll, and insisted that I take a separate taxi from her to get back to the Phuket Garden Home. So off she went and, well, do you think I could find a taxi driver to take me? Not a chance, not for any number of baht.
However, not a problem, with my trusty SSG in my back pocket, I just headed for the hills once again.
I must say the whole experience has been very valuable, not the least because I seem to have shed about 20kg and become quite acclimatised to mosquito bites. I know I’ll never go anywhere again without my copy of the SSG. Many thanks for your foresight. Without that little tome, I’d still be in the woods trying to catch a sheep to tie a sheepshank.
Ciao,
David
